How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
