talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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