I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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