no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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