You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize