Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize