If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
