Non-Jews are for practice
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
