I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
A bitchslap is in order.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
