I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Randomize
