So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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