I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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