I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
