I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I cockslap morals
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
