We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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