where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
