I want to have your abortion
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
