If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
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