I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
