Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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