i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
