Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
