fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
