Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
