went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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