just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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