Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Randomize
