Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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