did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
