I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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