Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
