Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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