So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
