wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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