It's Friday. Sex?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
