You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
