Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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