she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
