If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
