Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize