At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
