FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
