if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
