I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
