i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize