Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
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Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
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was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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