Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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