He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
