I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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