MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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