she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
