it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
