The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize