you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
