We won't sleep together?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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