I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm at about main and main street
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
