hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
