the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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