Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
