Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
