smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
