someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
