Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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