So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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