just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
