i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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