"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
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