Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
