do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
