I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
