Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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