I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
