I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
